Care for a swallow or two?

When I started this blog, I expected myself to talk about movies, especially (though not always) movies that I had seen.

However, I have seen a great many more movies in the past few months than have appeared on this blog. It’s not that I don’t think about the movies. It’s just that I am too lazy to squeeze my thoughts from my head to the page. And so, in an attempt to kickstart my movie evaluations, here are four highly condensed, highly unfair reviews. Review-shots, one might call them. Or perhaps gulps. Movie-gulps.

*The Patriot
*A man who hates war spends half the movie soaked in blood. When the protagonist commits acts of violence, they must always be justified, and this man’s justification was family and country. He is haunted by images of wars past, and as the credits roll, I can only think, “This is one skeleton that Ben Martin’s going to have to keep locked in the closet for a long time.”

*Slumdog Millionaire
*One of the most real fairytales I have ever seen. Not perfect, of course, but enthralling.

*The Dark Knight
*There are very few characters in this movie. Nearly everyone stands for something or other. Consequently, it was very interesting to watch, very hard to be engaged in.

The Count of Monte Cristo
This movie failed because it got Edmund out of the Chateau D’If too quickly. It was important to know what he had lost in order to understand his vengeance. I wanted details, but instead I got vague remarks about “digging” and “a great deal of treasure.” What’s interesting about that? Give me maps and lists. Point me to the X and tell me what’s there. When I can close my eyes and see chests of gold doubloons, then I am ready to hear the rest of the story.

There is, of course, a lot more that could be said about each of these movies. But as I said, this is just for my own benefit. This is just a warm-up to get me back in the groove. Thanks for watching.